Monday, March 20, 2006


So here I am in Dalhi. chaos reigns.

What am doing in Dalhi, you ask? You may well do so. And in the immortal words of Archana, if I find out, I will definitely let you know.
Friday night I was happily playing dumb charades with A___'s CEO and VP and my own GM.
Then I was 10 drinks down and changing a car tyre at 3 AM.
Then I was 16 drinks down and at the airport, but my body refuses to move. Does alcohol metamorphose into a muscular neurotoxin when it crosses 1,000 ml in the human body?
Then I was in the Starcom conference room, being trained in Starcom Processes (kinky!)
Then I was in Andheri, packing.

Night passed.

Then I was in Dalhi introducing Gaurav T to the Joy of Oracle. The thrills of the MAFs and the highs of the SOWs. The deep serenity of the SOLAR and the outright hilarity of the ARS. topped up with with the near-orgasmic levels of pleasure of the Global Flowchart.
Then I was roaming Centerstage in tow of my hosts in search of large bright paper flowers.
Then I was gorging on the best mutton curry I have had since I last visited my grandparents, nearly ten years ago.
Then I was back in Okhla with Oracle.

Now I blog. So whassup, doc?

Tuesday, March 14, 2006


Calling all Bongs!

The best of Cricket, Politics, and Ganguly. Download and split your sides laughing now! And if you find this offensive, screw you!

The One... The Only... Bonguly

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Monday, March 13, 2006

what's the weather like up there?

You Are Lightning
Beautiful yet dangerous. People will stop and watch you when you appear. Even though you're capable of random violence, you're best known for your power.
Your dominant state: performing
What Type of Weather Are You?


Obviously. What else were you expecting?

It's getting dark, and there's an electric feeling in the air. Something is readying itself, and you don't know where, or what, you can sense it coming.
A wind rises, a wall of hot, dry dust sweeping with it like a desert god's arm clearing his arena of the debris of the fun and games past.

A moment of silence.

Then ten gigawatts of raw energy leaps from heaven to earth, flickering through kilometers of air, foliage, and creatures between.
Air boils, flashes to plasma and slams outwards in terror.
The ground blackens, melts, sand fuses to glass before it understands what happened.
The wavefront rolls across the plain in a tsunamic crackle that fades to a deeper bass that you feel in your bones miles away.

And there's silence again, shocked, hushed.

The moment passes. And then the rain comes.


Don't panic, people... I was just trying out some image-rich writing. The results were highly pretentious and wannabe; will be using imagery only when quietly slipped in the middle of other cynical sarcasm like an oyster in a shell. (Like so!)

Sunday, March 12, 2006


Compared 2 photos of my living room. One was taken before I moved out, and the second was taken around 2 weeks after I moved into my new place... and it's disturbing. Either I have an extraordinarily high tolerance for mess, or I'm schizoid.


In NSP, the percentage of visible floor was in single digits. There were newspapers, magazines, books, sand, CDs, officially banned plastic, stationery, footwear, beer cans, ash, clothes, bottles, cartons, the hookah, bills, and god knows what else everywhere. The other room was so messy it was unlivable, we just used it to dump the less usable mess. The kitchen sink had it's own ecosystem. The loo floor had newspapers permanently rotted onto the tiles. There were bags, boxes, and packets everywhere. The balcony door wouldn't open behind the weight of the junk piled up behind it. Must have sold off over 20 kilos of scrap when we moved.

And in AA - even one newspaper lying waving in the breeze causes spiritual torment. The floor has nothing except the mattresses. The books and CDs are arranged by size. The bottles are lined up in the kitchen and the packets are in a closed carton in a corner. Sheets are washed, floor swept. Everyday, rubbish is thrown out.

It's creepy.

I feel like an ex-concentration camp director, a Nazi now teaching elementary English to children in a village in Peru.
Life does more than just change; every move is a rebirth.
There are, of course, repeating patterns - once messy, always messy - but I guess the sheer effort that's being made to stay clean means that deep down, I'd rather not live in a sty.
Let's see... another month should tell.

Watch this space.

Friday, March 03, 2006

life is surreal

Moving really puts life into perspective, man. makes you really understand that all you believe, all you take for granted, is just so much loose change.

9 AM
when you begin with a terrified wakeup gasp when you realize that the movers will arrive in 2 hours and half your stuff - not the big things like fridges and TVs, but the little things like the stuff in the fridge and kitchen stuff (I never realized what the fuck I am doing with 3 bottles of oil, a bottle of acid, 2 large sauce bottles, a disinfectant, rice, atta, 2 packs of salt, lime cordial, orange juice, potatoes, onions, and a giant bag of coal. (Like I said, don't ask me what it's doing there, how it got there, or what possible thought went through my head while getting it)
All this will already destroy not only each other but any container we put it in.
Add 5 more bottles - Old Monk, Smirnoff, Absolut, Royal Stag, and RC. All with exactly a half-inch of liquor left. I have two choices.
I can either carry in those bottles clinking like a boozehound or I can finish them off and do the shift roaring drunk.
12 AM
Shift negotiated successfully. We celebrate with a peaceful relaxed lunch.
3 PM
slightly too relaxed, I guess. The 3rd beer was a mistake.
6 PM
woke up. let's see... I need to pay the broker, clear out the junk from the old place, call the contractor to repair the windows etc in the new place, get it swept out... and oh yeah, almost forgot, unpack my worldly possesions from 25 indistinguishable cardboard cartons.
7 PM
sold all rubbish in old home after losing one kabadi walla and locating second. Still amazing amounts of crap lying around.
8 PM
paid off broker after abortive trip to ATM and realizing I forgot my wallet (with ATM card) at home.
9 PM
rescheduled dabba. contractor to repair windows is missing in action. called him and he was drunk. tipping him for the shift was a mistake.
10 PM
cable installed. Yes! we have entertainment! This guy puts porn on the cable channel late night. I am happy.
10:30 PM
collecting deposit from old landlord (cheap terrified bastard)
CTB - "I have been giving houses on rent for twenty-seven years and I have never seen a disgusting mess like this in my life! You should have cleaned it before leaving! It was your duty! You should return things in the condition they are given to you!"
Me - "Duh. Uh-huh. Mm. Gimme the damn check!"
So the CTB gives me the deposit back in 3 separate checks, no Idea why.
11:30 PM
Realize there's no drinking water. tramp out again, search and find shop and buy bisleri. Also order in a chicken biryani. aaahhhh...
End of exhausting day... and my life is still wrapped in cardboard cartons.
1 AM
find clothes for next day
2 AM
find soap and toothbrush
2:05 AM
shower, brush, and go to sleep on pile of cardboard, thermocol, plastic, clothes, and what in the morning is discovered to be the DVD player.
Next day
Deluged with work. Just when I plan to relax, I discover my new landlord's dead. No reason given why or how.

So technically, we're illegal squatters and can be evicted at any time. Now I can truly sleep in peace...