Friday, May 05, 2006

generic snarling

Seriously pissed off. For the 6th day in a row, I've had to sit in office until a time that makes going for a run the next morning an extremely unpleasant if not impossible experience. My cardiovascular system is degrading, the BMR spike I'd managed to get over the last 2 weeks has flattened out like my client's alphawave patterns, and the headaches are back.
Too much coming together. Rejection in 4 separate lives in the space of as many hours is not a pleasant feeling.

Don't know when I suddenly became an ops servicer. This is very definitely not what I saw myself doing, 15 months ago.
Waiting for June now. If that works out... let's see. The more things change, the more they stay the same...

And I guess what is pissing me of most is that something this trivial is succeeding in pissing me off. This is nothing. Why's it becoming so important?
I know what I need to be doing... it's just a question of time. Time to get back on track, shove everything back where it belongs... is that even possible? Can one make life a series of discrete, demarcated events, or is it one continuous intertwined mess that maliciously tangles itself up faster than my headphone cables?

I guess this is what rabies feels like. Loud, bright, dry, restless, and an overwhelming compulsion to bite.
mmmm... that would be nice...
bite till your jaws ache so so much you can't open em anymore and the freshblood smell, the metal taste the slickness the gristle wetripping off bone


I'm going to need professional help very soon like this

I'm caught between too smart for the simple happiness of tunnel vision and not smart enough to get beyond looking at the walls. I just hope it's a progression or I'm royally fucked for life.


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